A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
