Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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