You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
