who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
