Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
