Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
