After last night, I could never be a politician.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
