im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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