It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
