Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
