Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
