Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
