addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
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i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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