There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
