Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
