That's intense
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
