Me. At least after what I've been through.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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