I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
