Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
