I think my vagina is haunted
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
