I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
did i just pee glitter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
