What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
