My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
