Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
