I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
found the other keg... it's in the tree
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
