I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You may now shotgun with the bride
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
