Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
