party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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