i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
