just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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