I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
