Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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