The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
