the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
