mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
