There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I party with great urgency now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
