you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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