the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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