Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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