Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
