You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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