Got a toothbrush?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
