So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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