did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
