So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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