Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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