i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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