Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
