Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
