i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no, he came in my armpit
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
