so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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