oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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