How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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