Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
