if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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