fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
