how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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