how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
