Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
