I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
