We're like a lot better than the average bears
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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