You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
