How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
