You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
